Fear in Numbers

In our cohort, an amazing volunteer facilitated a creative performance with the assistance of other volunteers, to inspire members to act, sing, or perform however their heart desires on the theme of Fear itself. This would be called Bua, which means speak in Setswana. I decided to write a piece on my fears and the anticipated/observed fears of our cohort during our PST and perform my slam poetry [channel Lauryn Hill vibes]

Fear in Numbers

Fear, F-E-A-R, a 4 letter word that transforms itself into our worst nightmares

Giving us terrors.

Entrapping us, enclosing us, enveloping us,

To make us believe we have no leave.

It can take on many faces. What is it you see?

Do you see the phrases of Setswana swimming in your mind when you close your eyes

Only to open them to the disapproval stares of Batswana glaring back.

The moment you hear the words,

I’m sorry you didn’t make it through, Sincerely, Peace Corps.

Brring Brring, Hello. Why yes this is me. No, no, no it can’t be I just saw her a month ago.

No it’s fine. Yeah I understand. But I pretend, and smile, and keep saying “Dumela”.

As I karate chop and roundhouse kick through all the naivety and ignorance,

Closeted by Bruce Lee films and Made in China everythings

that continue to drive the “Asian” stereotype.

Hear me *I am a Korean person (in Korean)*

Three words that terrify me.

I love you. Hm do you? I remember when I heard these lies before,

when he tried before, and then we said goodbye before.

And our love remembered by the photographs and places of the past

That seemed so vast, and the memories to last.

To escape, let us be free. How? How can we be free,

When my brothas shoot my brothas, based on the skin we are in.

And my people fight to love and be loved with no love.

For those lost loves, let us bow our heads in silence and respect.

So here am I 1. What can I do? What can I say?

What does it matter anyway?

Thought jumbled, words all fumbled.

Stop. Just stop. Breathe.

Fear is in here, and it’s not always clear.

But hear me, courage is near.

Remember the words of Mary Anne Radmacher.

Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day

Saying “I will try again tomorrow.”

Bibi-1, Fear-0.